Misadventures in Toddler Tech Use

Toddlers and iPads and showers, oh my!

One of the marvels about young toddlers is that they can’t speak intelligibly or recognize when they’re pooping on themselves, but they can operate an advanced piece of technology with more ease than most adults.

My son regularly purchases shows, installs apps, changes settings, and generally wreaks such havoc with our electronics that we’re considering going off the grid just to keep ourselves safe from him. I’ve seen him bypass the lock screen on my iPhone so many times, it has ceased to surprise me. A few days ago, my husband was shocked when his tablet started loudly narrating everything he was doing, thanks to some feature that Ben had thoughtfully activated while he was at work. I picked up the baby monitor yesterday to see a cheerful Spanish greeting staring back at me, and no, we aren’t bilingual, in case you were wondering. It took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out how to fix that one, considering the number of Spanish classes I took in school.

To make matters worse, we recently decided to repurpose my husband’s old iPad for him (for the purpose of entertaining him on a long flight and to further encourage his chaos-creating tech skills). Y’all, this thing is so old, we can’t even download Netflix because the software is too out of date. It can handle simple toddler-themed apps, however, so we downloaded some puzzles, flashcards, alphabet and animal games, etc. (you know, the kind where you don’t feel like you’re TOTALLY rotting your child’s tiny brain). I took off anything with financial info or purchasing ability then sorted all the non-baby stuff into its own separate folder. Finally, I turned on Airplane mode, because I basically treat him like a black hat hacker on probation; no internet access, no problem.


You can’t uninstall the camera.  Continue reading “Misadventures in Toddler Tech Use”

Toddler Marketing 101

Wondering how to convince your toddler to eat his peas? Check out our handy Toddler Marketing course!

Class, welcome to Toddler Marketing 101. I’m so glad you’ve elected to take this course, and I can say with some confidence that you will find the information we will cover this semester invaluable within the next 10 to 15 years. In fact, I would go so far as to recommend you hold onto your notes. While other marketing positions require someone to actually hire you, Toddler Marketing only requires one night of unfettered passion to become a survival skill more valuable than making fire.

As I’m sure most of you learned in fifth-grade science, the name of the Tyrannosaurus Rex is derived from the Greek words meaning “tyrant” and “lizard” and the Latin word for “king.” While that was probably the same year you learned that Pluto was a planet, this information is actually still correct. Now, a lesser known piece of trivia is the origin of the word toddler. The name is from the Greek word meaning “tiny” and the Latin word meaning “tyrant,” and there has rarely been a more accurate name for anything that roams the earth. Personally, I’d rather meet a hungry T-Rex than a toddler on the warpath.  Continue reading “Toddler Marketing 101”